that man

That was 23^rd September of 2010. The first time I met him. I could remember that he was wearing batik uniform, when it was Thursday. He said that our class team didn’t practice well for cheerliar competition. So we might try and try very hard to perform our best as best as we could.

Weird, anything he said like have a gravity, it pulled in. Make me wanted to believe him. Even he says, “The moon is square” maybe I believe it. I told to myself, “Is it first love?”

Two weeks later, I found his facebook account, ID Ym!, and his twitter account too. I felt very pleasant that I couldn’t say a word. After it, I realized that he followed me back. I kept thinking, “Who is he? Why is he so special? Does he know me? Do I even worth to him?”. I knew that the answer is ‘no’, but I still held a little expectation.

After that, I shared his ID Ym! to my good-friend. I’ve ever chatted him once to say hello. Then he answered “I’m sorry, who are you?”. I told him my identity and we had such a short-delightful chatting. In the end I said, “I’m sorry if I’m bother you. I know that I’m annoying enough to you hahah aren’t I?” “No, it is comfy to share your life story to others. If you have a problem, you can share everything. Don’t be feel guilty! I always can be your second ears.” he answered.

Unfortunately not a long time after that, I saw in my friend’s cell phone his ID Ym! and their history chat. It was much longer than mine. It was like he more interested to my friend. Cause even if she didn’t reply his chat, he still tried to chat her. It seems like she just had become his fancy girl, a girl who he wants to be with. It seems like my body wanted to explode into several pieces, my heart was tore by very incisive sword. And my chest was very tight that it was so difficult to breath. I didn’t know what should I do. Why it must be my friend that he adore with?  Why it must be him doing that things to me? It’s so unfair…

Then it was very difficult time to see every single mention in twitter. Seeing everyone support and happy with their-closer-relationship. I thought I have to give up and happy for them too. Somehow, she still be my good friend, the one that I believe and care for. No matter to what have happened, I shouldn’t sacrificed my friendship. And swap it into that painful love. No, I wouldn’t do this.

It has been approximately seven months seeing their closeness. I must be steady. I knew that I could face and pass through it. But to pretend not remember him anymore? I couldn’t. No matter how hard I try to forget, every single minute I always thought of them. Thought about the wicked way they did to make me feel so miserable. It really hurts. Really hurts.

Once moment when an extracurricular education and trainee was held on. That night I saw my friend talk to a senior.  She suddenly crying loud, and told me what’s going on, “That man have betrayed me and also ‘senior’. After he left me without say anything, he approach to ‘senior’. They even be a couple. But it just stayed for a week. Now, he is going to gain other girl, Siska. And she is our junior, a ten grader student who attend to this trainee.” “You should have been very blessed to never close with him. Cause it’s better than what happened to me. He is only a ridiculous player. HHHH…” she continued. I felt her body was trembling hard, and her tears didn’t want to stop. I didn’t know what should I feel whether it’s thankful or pity or feel sorry. That night I didn’t want to sleep. Thinking how much I survived to pretend not thinking about him anymore. Thinking how can they betrayed at me, and now he betrayed at my good-friend and also a senior. I required more times to think it clearly.

And then it’s not a very long time, that we all knew about he and the ten-grader relationship. They finally committed to be a couple. 11.11 is it funny huh? So, she was actually the girl he dream about. So that’s type of girl which he searched for. I should have said a lot of congratulation. I laughed….  

Now I believe that karma does exist. But somehow, sometimes I still missed him. Maybe my heart now is more relieved than before. But I…. still… feel sorry for his choice. People say that she only used him to be her part time driver. DRIVER! Oh dear, why you have to doing this?
Some boys in class said that he cried after he getting out from WC. I am curious about what makes him crying like that? Is he really happy beside her?. A few days ago, I passed in front of his class. In far distance, I saw him laughed and tried to memorize his book. Maybe it was prayer recitation. Finally, I could see him laugh hard like that…. and I don’t know what’s wrong in my brain. I still feel happy to watch him happy. Now, you have to realize, not every single first love is a sweet thing. Just like what I suffered from. For every girls in the world, you must be steady. Don’t lead any expectation from the guys, if you don’t want to fall deep for him, if you don’t want to be awaken from your dreams. Ciao! :)